Poor, Unfortunate Fools... And M&Ms

Today I am writing about guys. I suppose a little about girls too. But mostly guys. Because guys are... Well, you'll see.

Some people are just sad. And not in the depressed-sad sense (although sometimes they're so sad that it causes me  to lose all hope in humanity and become depressed for about five minutes), no this sad is more like the wow-you're-so-pathetic sad. It is at this point that either I start laughing uncontrollably and try not to stare in their general direction (because yes, although I am laughing, I'm not entirely heartless and cruel so I'd rather not have them know that I'm laughing at them. I'm trying to be charitable), or I cover my face, curl up in a fetal position, and wonder why I'm here.
But I digress.
Some guys just don't understand how horribly uncool they actually are. And it makes me a little bit sad for them. They're trying their heart out to impress this girl and so they go and do the coolest thing they know how to do. What they don't realize is that no one is interested, amused, or otherwise entertained by said action. No one watches. No one cares. And the worst part? That poor, dumb guy is totally oblivious to his insignificance. He thinks he's the most badass thing to ever walk the earth.

A quick side note: Don't ever ever ever wear felt/suede/anything-remotely-velvety with wool. It looks weird.

Another thing that happens is that this guy does whatever the hell he's doing (the completely lame action previously mentioned) but people are way too polite and nice, so they say 'oh my gosh that's so cool!' when in actuality they think it's lame as could possibly be. All that will ever accomplish is making someone entirely blithe and ignorant and then the suffering passes to someone else who, also, is a  little too nice and polite.

I wonder how much more talented (or at least expedient) our world would be if no one catered to another's weak excuse for galvanism.

Girls, it's your turn to be reviled.

There seems to be four types of girls in the world.

1. The cool ones that I like
2. The cool ones that I like but really need some help with their fashion choices
3. The annoying ones that have no sense of propriety, or sometimes even a brain
4. And the slutty ones who disgust me because not only are they chasing every guy they see, but they dress abhorrently and it hurts me.

Obviously, we don't have to write about number 1. Number 2 is easily solvable and it doesn't need to be written about either. Number 3 could be written about but they deserve an entire blog post, not just a portion. But number 4 is perfection. It must be written about, but to devote an entire post to it would endanger my brain cells, so, half a blog post it gets.

I do not understand the need for these girls. I don't understand why they must exist. I don't understand why they plague me.
Low shirts, gross jeans, ugly shoes, terrible makeup, dirty hair, and weird accessories. They are the very definition of white trash. And I just don't get it.
What's worse is that they chase every single guy they see. It doesn't matter who they are, they see them and they chase them. Poor guys.

This is very hard for me to write about. I'm tempted to say very very horrible things. But I must control myself. But then I can't think of anything else to write about because it's such a terrible thing that it deserves terrible words but no... I mustn't...

Anyways, moving on. I've quite run out of things to write about.

Something funny happened yesterday. I'm in the pub and walking back to my chair with a bag of Peanut Butter M&Ms and this big black guy that I sort of know looks at me and says

"Yo, come 'ere gurl. I need me some choc'lit!" So I looked at him with a half smile and started walking towards him.

"Oh really now? I don't know... I'm not sure if I want to share my M&Ms with you."

"Nawww come on gurl, you should shaaaaare yo M&Ms wi' me. 'Cause y'know wut they say 'bout choc'lit."

"I do?"

"Mmmmmmmmmhm! Gurl choc'lit don't melt in yo hand. It melts in yo mouth... *checks himself out* And I am awwwwllllllll choc'lity goodness."

I was laughing so hard that I gave him M&Ms just to shut him up.