I woke up at 3:37 A.M. with the express purpose of having something I wanted to blog about. Then I went back into la-la-crazy-like-a-bag-lady Dream Land and when I woke up at an hour no longer offensive to god and all things holy, I forgot what it was. And now, as a result, I don't have anything to blog about.
Ever met someone who is really really cool? OR SO YOU THOUGHT!!! And then all of a sudden you have this huge complicated mess because you're almost obligated to still be nice to them because they tricked you with their assumed coolness facade into being nice to them in the first place! If you just stopped being nice to them you just start feeling like a horrible person. It's akin to going to the pet shelter and buying a cute little kitten. You bring it home, you make it a bed, you buy it food, a few toys, and a big carpeted playhouse thing (you know what I'm talking about right?). And everything is just fine for the first little while until all of a sudden you wake up and you realize, you hate cats! Hate them with a fiery burning passion that consumes your soul. But, just in case you might be having an off, somewhat bipolar day, you keep the poor cat around for a couple more days. The only thing that ever accomplishes is to make you hate it more. And finally, in the throes of misery, you toss the cat out on the street and attempt to turn your house back into a livable space where no one would ever suspect that you'd ever had a cat at any point in time ever because, guess what, most of your friends hate cats too.
Well your house is back to normal. But your porch isn't. That cat sits there and mews and meows and mraows all day long. And when it gets dark and normal people are sleeping, it sits there and howls a little louder. It's all confused and pathetic - doesn't realize how irritating it is!
Obviously, it's a little difficult to just toss out the supposedly cool person on the We're Not Friends St. like you just tossed out the cat. So you try a new approach: the Let's Make You Make New Friends That I Don't Have To Be Friends With So You Like Them And I Can Sneakily Leave. Ordinarily this would work. But now it's just like taking a dog to the dog park. You think, "Yay! New doggy friends! I can just leave you here..." But then you get sucked into talking to all the other dog people and pretty soon you're being conned into going to Dog Shows and trying out the latest all in one Anti-Flea, Anti-Dander, Anti-Shedding, Anti-Mud, Anti-Barking, Anti-Everything, Turn-Your-Dog-Into-A-Moving-Stuffed-Animal Bottled Shampoo! (Available now for $129.99 [This product was not tested on live animals])
And the real kicker? You still have your dog.
Annoying people are impossible to get rid of. Because no matter how far away you move, they're like homing pigeons - they always manage to find you. Finally you just talk to them as little as possible and force them to direct their annoying characteristics at some other poor, unfortunate fool who, like you, gets gulled into thinking they're cool.
Disclaimer: I love cats. I really do.
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